Date: Fri, 21 Jul 95 05:33:03 EDT
From: WOLF
To: gashgirl
Subject: Re: my fate not to see you today

Dearest Francesca,

I'm dreafully sorry that I woke up half hour later. I haven't been sleeping well lately. The heat level has all but left an insomniac. And honestly, enough, my Alpha and I are having difficulties. Seems she hasn't the time for me.

On other thoughts, my name can be pronounce two ways. 1) The Rusky way which is: Meehaeel (the h sound would be grutural as you were about to spit sorta thing and the a is open as the italian 2) Or the American way which is Meekaisle (no stress on the words whatsoever, and the word aisle pronounced like the english word) Does that help you any? On the Rusky version the stress is placed on the 1rst syllable. And slight stress on the last syllable.

Re: Gender terrorism. I define it mostly as going against the natural order of sexism by way of invading patriarchy without the enemy's knowledge.

And by also changing the macho dichotomy as I voice my protests when such words against women are veing spoken. It is a declaration of war (as silent as it might seem) against the patriarchy. So I view it as a rather feminist radical move on my part. Some would disagree but I know why I did it and the reasons that prompted me to do so. As I once put it, I had decided to make myself totally innaccesible to the patriarch dogma. My role as a female to be controlled and dictated upon has all be taken from them. I am in full control of my life... Still I not earn their wages but the insedious delight of robbing them of my body makes up for it in such a way, that I no longer care about riches. Power to me isn't measured in bank accounts, it's measured in how many ways you can defy the norm and get away with murder, so to speak.

And not mentioning that I not believe in gender. I not believe in scripts (gender scripts). I know how to play either game, I choose not to. This state I was saying to a friend of mine last night, it's as close to holding God's balls tight and not letting go as one can get. She was aghast at my audacity. I was all but filled with arrogance. I am delinquent, perverted (but my perversion isn't mundane in the least), I desecrate all that is sacred (in the sense of anything that's societally organized) and I worship all those things that are sinful (sensory perceptions, sex, nature and the uttterly unknown).

I am as my step-mother once put it: "One's worst unthinkable nightmare and the most bewildering of dreams unthought of." I disturb all that lies still as I mill about the Earth. And I need not to move a muscle. All I need to do is sit still and the Earth shakes in fear, so to speak. Do you know how empowering that is? To be able to bring fear into beings? Without even having to say a single word? Without even wanting to harm anyone. It's amazing to be how easy that is... So easy at times, it utterly bores me. Because all I'm doing is destroying gender notions with my ambigious ways. So simple yet so complex.

I hope you not think of me as mad.. I am rather insane, I know it. My brain senses all that lies neath the surface, I am nothing more than a lupine with the ability to speak the unspeakable.

I shall write more later,
Mikhail

P.S. Pack, tribe.. it all amounts to the same thing. No offense taken. I shall look for you later... KIsses...